Life is Uncomfortable
by VioletDragonian
Summary: You know those days when you just don't want to get out of bed? Yeah, that's how Ruby feels today, but Yang is having none of it. And once the young leader is finally dragged from her bed against her will, it's existential crises all around... Also known as the day they learned to never let a reality-questioning Ruby near their leaders ever again. (Oneshot, total crack)


Ruby didn't want to get up. It was cold today, she didn't have anything to do, and it was Sunday anyway so it was her right to be lazy and stay in bed all day. She woke up sometime in the middle of the day, groaned at the idea of actually getting up and changing clothes, and rolled back over to go back to sleep again.

Of course, by three pm Yang had other ideas. She wandered into the dorm and saw her little sister _still_ curled up under the covers, and of course did what any big sister in her right mind would do. She climbed up onto Ruby's precariously hanging bunkbed, stole the warm red comforter from the smaller girl, and flopped unceremoniously down on top of her.

"Yang you're squishing me." Ruby huffed in protest, but made really no move to shove the blonde off. "And it's cold. Give me that blanket."

The older sister pulled the comforter back up over them both, but still stayed where she was, continuing to squish the other. "Ruby, are you just gonna stay here all day? You don't wanna waste the last day of the weekend!"

"Yes I am and yes I do. Go away."

"But Ruuuuuubyyy! It's cold outside!" Yang whined dramatically.

"Then stay here, I don't care. I'm just not getting up." Ruby's words were muffled as she buried her face into her pillow.

"Hmmm... Nah, you need to get up." Hopping off the bed and back onto the floor, the older girl took the comforter with her. Ruby stayed where she was, refusing to get up even to chase down her sister to get her blanket back, though she did curl into a ball against the cold air in the room. "Aww, that's it? You're not gonna jump down here and try to get this back?"

"No."

"Hmm, kay." Yang tossed the blanket onto her own bed, well out of Ruby's reach. With her hands free again, she reached over the edge of the hanging bunk again and grabbed her little sister's ankles. The smaller girl did react that time, opening her mouth to hiss a warning at the persistent blonde, but before she could say anything she was dragged roughly from her bed. She expected to fall to the floor, but instead found Yang had pulled her onto her back. Upside down.

"Yang put me down."

"Nooooooope!" The older girl sang, swaying back and forth so Ruby would as well. Ruby just sighed. "Oh, look, a foot!"

At that exclamation, Yang started tickling one of the smaller girl's feet, which she was still holding to keep Ruby on her back. Ruby hissed and then started laughing, trying to wiggle free and out of range of the blonde's tickle assault, but in the position she was in she couldn't really escape.

"Damn you Yaaang..!" The younger sister managed, most of her words dissolving into giggles.

"You gonna get up and stay up now?" Yang asked, halting her attack for the moment and letting Ruby breathe.

"Yes yes fine, just put me down!"

"Kay!"

And _then_ Ruby fell to the floor like she'd expected to earlier. She landed in a tangle of limbs and mussed hair from being upside down, and glared up at the blonde through the tangled black and red locks. Yang was beaming, that huge grin of hers plastered on her face. Ruby growled at her.

* * *

Ruby grumbled obscenities under her breath as Yang dragged her down the hall. Her hair was still pointing up in every which way because she didn't feel like dealing with it today, but her sister had managed to force her to change clothes at least. She glared down at her combat skirt, still wanting her warm bed back.

Yang pulled her away from the school dorms, past the classrooms, and out into the courtyard. And even then she still didn't stop; she continued on past the cafeteria and library and finally went inside an out of the way building beside the school library. The sign beside the door said 'Midnight Lounge'.

It was a simple place, but there was a cozy feeling to it. Two gradual staircases led up to a second floor on either side of them as they walked in, though Ruby could see the upper level was less of a second floor and more of a deck that lined the edges of the room, with a guard rail on the edge of the 'deck'. There looked to be a set of huge windows on the second floor, but not much of anything else.

Between the two staircases, the floor dipped down into a wide open room. On either side, underneath the staircases, were a few rows of bookshelves with windows at the end. Behind one of the shelves was also a slightly unnoticeable door leading to an underground floor, with a sign beside it that said 'Students and school staff only'.

Yang dragged Ruby further into the lounge before she could look over the door or books any more. Opposite the door they'd come in through was a huge grey brick fireplace, a nice big fire already roaring inside of it. In front of the fireplace was a table and a few couches, where their friends were sitting around playing different games or reading books. Finally, on either side of the area with the couches were little alcove rooms. One had another table and bookshelf, both built into the wall, with a nice blue and white rug laid out in front of the shelf. The other had a small kitchen area, equipped with two stoves, a sink, and multiple coffeemakers.

"Hey guys!" Sun waved at them as they approached. He was hanging upside down between Neptune and Blake, his tail wrapped around the guard rail of the second floor. A set of cards were held loosely in his hands, as well as Neptune's and Blake's.

"Yo." Yang waved back at him, and dragged Ruby over to one of the other couches. They ended up sitting beside Nora and Ren on the biggest couch, the last free couch being taken up by Pyrrha, Jaune, and Weiss.

"I see you've finally joined us, Ruby!" Pyrrha greeted happily. Ruby hissed, then turned around and curled into a ball on the couch. "… Ooor not."

"Ren, Ruby turned into a cat!"

Ren looked up from his book for a moment, taking in the scene. "I don't want to know."

Weiss shifted, then went back to cleaning Myrtenaster. She glanced at Ruby out of the corner of her eye. "Yang, I don't think your sister likes the cold."

"Well, she likes _you_ well enough, Ice Queen." Ruby and Weiss both turned to Yang at that, Ruby turning bright red and Weiss looking angry at the name.

"Okay, that was funny." Sun chuckled. Weiss shot him a glare. "What? It was."

Neptune turned to the two new arrivals, ignoring his teammate. "Ruby, would you like to join our card game?"

"Uuuuuuuuugh I don't wanna do ANYTHING." The younger girl groaned, flopping over the arm of the couch.

"Is that why you slept in so late?" Blake glanced up momentarily, golden eyes catching the light.

"I don't knooooow…"

"Maybe you're getting sick?" Jaune tried.

"Noooooo…"

"Ruby's broken." Weiss decided flatly.

Turning around to face the ceiling instead of the floor, Ruby slid further over the arm of the couch until only her feet were still resting on it. The rest of her was sprawled on the floorboards. "Baaaaaaaah."

Sun turned to face her. "Are you bored?"

Ruby threw her hands in the air. "I DUNNO."

"You're hungry!" Nora exclaimed. "Ren, she needs pancakes, stat!"

"Oh… Food sounds good…"

"But is that the problem making you, uh, 'broken' as Weiss put it?" Pyrrha asked.

"Dunno."

Ruby groaned and rolled across the floor and behind the couch she'd started on as Neptune started on some crazy scientific and confusing theoretical explanation. She didn't really feel like listening to that and apparently Sun didn't either, proven by the punch he delivered to his teammate's shoulder about five words in.

"Ow, what was that for?"

"For being a nerd."

"At least I'm not an asshole."

"At least I'm not a nerd."

"At least I'm not an idiot."

"At least I don't have blue hair."

"Hey hey, don't diss the hair!"

Surging to her feet suddenly, Ruby appeared seemingly out of nowhere since everyone had forgotten she'd vanished behind the couch, causing Sun to jump and accidentally let go of the guard rail and fall to the floor.

"Hah, you deserved that."

"Yeah I did."

Ruby just groaned and flopped over the couch from behind it. Her top half ended up resting in the seat, while her arms just hung limply toward the floor, and her legs stayed where they were behind the couch. Yang gave her a sideways glance.

"Is that, uh, uncomfortable at all?"

"LIFE IS UNCOMFORTABLE YANG. LIFE IN GENERAL. ALL OF IT."

"Ruby is completely right." Sun agreed, still on the floor where he'd landed. "Life is uncomfortable."

"Do you maybe want to practice with Crescent Rose? I'll spar with you." Pyrrha offered.

"Noooo…" Ruby slithered over the couch until her face and chest rested on the floor again, her hips only just staying on the seat and her legs still resting on the back of it.

"What about cleaning it? I know you love to take care of that weapon." Yang added.

"Uuuuuuuugh."

"I agree with her." Sun was still on the floor as well. "Uuuuuuuugh."

"Sun, stop it." Neptune peered down at his leader. "You're only making her worse."

"But… But…"

"Stop it."

"Ruby, do you want cookies? I'll help bake some." Blake set her cards down, knowing they weren't going to get anywhere with their game anymore.

"Nooooo…"

"Nooooooooooooo…"

"Sun shut up."

"I don't wanna…"

"Me neither…"

"Someone send help, they're both broken." Weiss sighed.

Ruby slid the rest of the way off the couch and slithered over to where Sun was, melting back into the floorboards beside him.

"Nooo…"

Jaune stood, walking over to look down at the two broken leaders. "Are you guys okay?"

"What even is life." Ruby didn't even sound like she was asking, just stating.

"What is existence." Sun joined in.

"Why are we here."

"Why is Neptune so grumpy."

"Why is Weiss so grumpy too."

"What even is anything."

Before they knew it, Jaune was on the floor on the other side of Ruby. "I don't know…"

Weiss, Pyrrha, and Neptune all sighed and facepalmed at the same time, while Yang just stared down at the three broken leaders with a slightly concerned expression. "Uhh…"

Nora turned to her partner. "Ren, I need pancakes right now and if I don't get them I'll fall into an existential crisis too. You don't want that happening do you?"

With a sigh, Ren got to his feet and went to the kitchen to get started. Nora followed him like a puppy, begging eyes in full effect the entire way. After a moment's consideration, and another glance at the broken leaders on the floor, Blake went after them.

"… Time doesn't exist."

"Does anything else actually exist?"

"This floor seems pretty solid… I think it might exist."

"But what if the floor is just an illusion and doesn't really exist?"

"Whoa…"

Yang pulled a funny expression, debating what to do about the hopeless three melted into the floor. Finally, she just nodded to herself and pulled out her scroll, dialing a number on it and waiting.

"What about technology?"

"It doesn't exist either."

"We're all imagining it."

"Yang is really holding nothing right now. Or maybe a rock."

"Do Grimm really exist?"

"Maybe we're just swinging at air when we fight them."

"Maybe they're really giant marshmallows…"

"Are marshmallows real?"

"I hope so."

"I don't wanna live in a world without marshmallows."

"Me neither."

"Same here."

"… What are clouds made of?"

The call on Yang's scroll finally went through, and Glynda's voice sounded from it. "Miss Xiao Long, is there something the matter?"

"Well… Uh…" Yang turned the small device around so its camera showed Sun, Ruby, and Jaune. "I think they're broken."

Glynda was silent for a few moments, allowing her to hear the next part of their hopeless chatter.

"But what if clouds aren't real either?"

"I don't think they are, actually."

"But if clouds aren't real, is the sky real?"

"What if the sky doesn't really exist at all and we're looking into an infinite void of blue death?"

Ruby and Jaune turned to Sun.

"If the sky doesn't exist, that means you don't either."

"Whoa."

Glynda sighed, and Yang turned the scroll back around to face herself again. "See, I told you."

"I would suggest dumping cold water on them, but with the current weather that would be rather cruel…" The professor mused.

Blake returned from the kitchen and popped in momentarily, leaning into view over Yang's shoulder. "Professor, all of our leaders are broken, I think we need newer models."

"I think you're right, Miss Belladonna…" Glynda said, narrowing her eyes in thought. "Hmm… Alright, try dragging them into the library. Just leave them in a quiet corner and let them mumble about the meaning of life for awhile, I'm sure they'll snap out of it eventually…"

"Good idea." Yang agreed.

"… I'll order some newer model leaders for you while those figure out their existence. Would you like a specific model color?"

"Green!" Yang exclaimed at random.

Glynda nodded. "I'll leave you to moving those, then." With that, the professor ended the call.

Yang turned to Neptune, Pyrrha, and Weiss, Blake having already vanished back into the kitchen. "Come on guys, let's drag them to the library."

With a nod in agreement, they joined Yang as she approached the three on the floor.

"Is water clear, or invisible?"

"Maybe clear and invisible are the same thing."

"What if air is really water and water is really air."

Yang and Neptune grabbed Ruby and Sun's collars to drag them away, while Pyrrha picked up Jaune and threw him over her shoulder. Weiss just walked ahead and held the door open for them, watching as they dragged their three broken leaders away.

* * *

**A/N: Don't mind me I'm just writing random nonsense crack in an attempt to boot this case of writer's block**

**Is it obvious I have an older sister? Is it obvious she's literally done exactly that to wake me up before? Nahhh. I wrote this like a week ago when I woke up feeling exactly like Ruby does here.**

**Also that part where Yang dragged Ruby off the bed, TOTALLY didn't steal that directly out of the Big Hero 6 movie nope. Come on I needed Yang and Ruby pulling the Hamada brothers shenanigans okay**


End file.
